Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
