Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
