She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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