yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
