I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
