I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
