Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
