I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
