I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
