She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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