I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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