I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
