You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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