i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
