Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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