it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
