I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
