Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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