On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
