I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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