I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
