The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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