i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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