these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
