i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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