sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
