you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
50% drunk capacity currently
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
