The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
