Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
