So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did I show you my penis last night?
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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