I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
