I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
