She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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