GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
