This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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