Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
