dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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