After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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