Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
