Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
