Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
id be glad to
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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