he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
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If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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