he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
