"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
