First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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