I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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