we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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