i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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