:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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