The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
