onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
