I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
