i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
