if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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