He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You have to summon your inner elephant
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
