5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
