when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
