: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
