I got chris browned last night
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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