The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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