billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize