I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
