Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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