a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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