I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My bed smells like the plague
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
