I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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