How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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