Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
