Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
