i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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