I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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