Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
