The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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