My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?