I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow