Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
