you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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