I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
