swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
