The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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