Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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