I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
