For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she told me i tasted like america
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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