I'm drive I can fine osifer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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