1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
