This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
