rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
