When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
