So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
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noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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