The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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